Name: Pat Kugel
Born: 1965
Location: Ontario, Canada
Label: Anti-theist
Former Religious Affiliation: Roman Catholic
My Story:
Part 1: History
I start out with a story much the same as many others: I was born and raised a Catholic, went to a Catholic grade school, attended mass at least once a week (Sundays), and even served as an altar boy; my mother was Catholic and my father converted to Catholicism before they were married. That is pretty much the definition of a domesticated Catholic and screams urban religious-moderate westerner.
Problem was, as a child, I was just doing what I was told by parents and priest. I felt nothing doing it other than boredom. I felt no rush or relief for the love of god, etc. Nothing! As I got older and began to understand “religion” as an ideal or concept, I came to realize that right from day one I never believed or accepted any of it. I would ask questions like, Hhow can someone blindly follow a 3000 year old story that does not even have a conceptual relation to the modern world?”
Eventually as I reached young adulthood, my parents, like they had done with all my older siblings, gave me the choice to decide for myself if I wished to continue attending mass, etc. That was the last time till my father’s passing that I stepped foot in a church.
When my father passed, my mother insisted on a religious funeral. I together with my brother had to make the arrangements for the service. Entering the parish pastors house to discuss the arrangements actually creeped me out. All I could think of was, “How can you trust a person that has so fully devoted their life to an obvious lie?” Well, that and “how many boys does he have stashed around here?”
I attended the funeral as was [expected], but to this day I believe I made a mistake. Funerals are a religious ceremony designed for the living; the dead are incapable of caring one wit about the entire fallacy! As was my mother’s desire, it was a strongly religious event, and, like times passed, I realized I was just doing what I was told?!? But more to the point, by this time in my life I realized I was becoming an anti-theist strongly believing that religion does more harm than good – so, was I not betraying myself in succumbing to this ridiculous ceremony? I was being the religious hypocrite I so despised!
As years passed and wisdom gained, I reaffirmed my non-belief through authors like Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, etc, but also in a stronger understanding of the universe itself. I am a strong proponent in the thought that the best way to put religion to the background is through science and education – I truly do not see how one can be deeply religious and strongly scientific in the same breath. I have said it before: “When one looks at the universe from the microsphere to the macrosphere and truly sees the world and universe for what it is, one realizes there just is no room for a deity.”
Eventually as is the lot of all us animals, my mother passed away. Again, plans were made for a religious ceremony, etc. (not by me), however, this time I did not attend. In doing so I would have again betrayed my values. I do not regret missing the funeral, after all, it is a ritual for the living not the deceased. As such, let those living that would get something out of it attend. As thinking, emotional beings, we each deal with loss internally, within the privacy of our minds first before externalizing it – I grieve the loss in my own way with no need for formal ritural.
Part 2: The Here and Now
I am not afraid to admit I am an anti-theist, I feel no embarrassment over it, and I do not apologize for it. Quite the contrary, I know atheists in general have a much brighter view of the world since they are not viewing it as through a frosted pane of glass whose religion only allows site to what it approves. I also believe we hold life to a much higher value than a devout ever could simply because we see this as *it*; this being the only shot at this universe we will ever get, and once we step beyond oblivion’s veil we are gone forever, no redo’s, second chances, ever.
I value the atheist as the more morally honest; when the atheist steps up to help their fellow man, [generally] it is because it is the morally right thing to do; however when a devout does the same there’s always the nagging question, “is it because they [have] to?”
What, you may ask, is the fundamental difference? The fundamental difference is in the willingness to accept morality as a set of basic human tenets granted us all vs. concepts learned and earned via beliefs that can be waived at a moment’s notice. The one that acts on the moral weight of an action alone does so out of honest belief in those morals; the devout that acts on the guidance of an ideal or concept no matter how “moral” it teaches, acts on the strength of those ideals alone, not the moral appropriateness of the resultant actions. As such, the actions themselves need not even be morally acceptable so long as the teachings the devout believes teach it’s moral correctness. This is how religious persecution throughout history has justified countless heinous acts; when a suicide bomber straps on the bomb, it is not the moral appropriateness of the actions they weigh, but the religiously taught ideas. Here morality and religion take a giant leap apart, and yet the fanatic’s beliefs are grounded and insolvent. Were the suicide bomber to evaluate their actions purely on a humanistic moral view, they would surely chuck the bomb asking, “What the hell am I doing?” This is where religion is dangerous: it does not teach morality, it teaches morality by its doctrine, regardless of the acceptability of that doctrine at a basic human level vis-a-vis the morality innate to us all, and its morality is fluid, subject to the same fluctuations as the teachings themselves.
Tagged with: 1965 • Anti-theist • Canada • Ontario • Roman Ctholic
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Thank you for sharing. I also know the pressure to attend manditory church services for special family occasions. I did it, but I “had” to take a very long bathroom break towards the end.
Thank you for sharing your story Pat. I could relate to a lot of it. I am a recovering Catholic enlightened atheist from central southern Ontario. I was involved in the Catholic church as a musician and that was all the positive benefit I ever really got out of my faith. It wasn’t(and neither was the church) of any use, comfort or assistance to me when I went through some very tough times. As Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” I emerged with my eyes slightly opened, and they have gotten wider ever since. If you are on FB, friend me.
Greg Siska
Just because you don’t subscribe to the nonsense of religion, doesn’t mean you can’t go and pay last respects to your mother. If it were me, I would have gone and talked about the good memories I had while she was alive. If anyone brought up God to me, I would have just said that I don’t believe in such nonsense.
Different strokes for different folks, Pat has said that he grieves in his own way and that itself is enough, for where it has to make an impact it will. What i mean to say here is though the person is dead and gone the person has the ability from wherever she is, to know what one’s intention / feeling towards her is. So if his feeling is genuine and if he din’t go to the funeral for having strong reasons, it doesn’t matter what the others think, for, the person concerned knows the truth.
I’ve been reading and commenting on a few articles on what you guys have to say and the one thing that comes out is, all of you are good human beings with good intentions. Generally the ones who don’t believe in GOD are supposed to be of low or no morals etc or thats what the priests say, isn’t it.
The thing is ‘the lot’ of you have not been able to seperate GOD from religion or question religion further to find out what role is it playing in bringing GOD closer from the way it, is being practised now. Ultimate aim of religion is to take man closer to GOD, but that involves for everyone, including the priests to live in a certain way to achieve that, which though sounds very simple is near impossible (but not impossible) to follow. The priests who preach religion can’t find it in them to follow the simple regulatory rules and hence bend and mend religion to suit their ulterior motives, which is to make money or satisfy their carnal needs or just live a life in a secured place without having to workhard like normal people do, just to be able to afford a simple decent life. Religion / rituals has become a business like every other business.
Religion, along with its priests and GOD are two different things just like Promotions, along with marketing personnel and a product. While in the physical world you see promotions and listen to the marketing personnel, you still decide if the product is good or bad only after you use it / experience it. Similarly religion along with its priests, is the promotions / marketing personnel, you can’t decide GOD is good or bad – exists or does not exist just by seeing / listening to them. When they are unable to convince you, you can’t judge the product ‘GOD’ based on their marketing gyan. You need to put in efforts to find out more about the ‘product’ i.e if you are genuinely interested in knowing about the ‘product’. Else you should be saying the Priests are wrong and leave it at that, why take it further to GOD and say GOD doesn’t exist. GOD is seperate, work towards understanding HIM and believe me i’m talking from experience here, if one wants to find out, he can. All one has to do is live a life as prescribed by GOD which is not to commit any sins or mistakes knowingly or unknowingly in one’s deeds, thoughts or words – in the truest of the sense. Like a life free of alcohol / smoking / drugs / illicit sex / gambling / anything in excess (ex: eat as much as you need and not as in greed) etc and not committing any sins or mistakes in your deeds, thoughts or words, for a sustained period in life (and continue it) and asking GOD HIMSELF to show you the right path without going to any church or temple, (why people go to church /temple is cos’ it’s easier to relate to HIM there, like to see a product you go to a store) you can start to experience HIM and start to feel that EVERYTHING that happens is life is by HIS COMMAND and that understanding / feeling my friend, one can’t narrate, one can only experience. The point here is, do you want to know HIM that badly – if you do, then work towards it. Else just live a life as mentioned above, that in itself is GOD consciousness. For end of the day GOD or no GOD we are expected to live good lives for thats the only way society can live in peace and harmony.
GOD BLESS
Sanat Attavar
+91 96 770 520 70
sanatattavar@yahoo.com
P.S: I request you to read comments posted on other essays as well for each of us have different experiences and there are many ways to GOD.